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[supersweet]

[ you can reach jonathan samuel kent here. username is jkent ]

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[supersweet]

It's not you, it's just — So many people have come by and said the same thing. And they left too.

Everyone keeps leaving.

[sonofab]

People do that.

[Anything else he could think of saying on the subject would likely just make Jon feel worse. This is really why he chose to text. With texting it made him stop and think, but he couldn't see Jon so he couldn't judge if his words were hurting his feelings again or not.]


I'm back though.
So they might come back too.
But if not, it'll be okay, because I'm here and I've got your back, Jon.

[supersweet]

Thanks, Damian.

I know they didn't mean to. And everyone's trying to help. It just feels really hard right now to believe it.

[sonofab]

[Problem with texting is he couldn’t read Jon's expressions or mannerisms.]

So the next time someone does? Tell them to "Shut up, unless you mean it.”

Or since it's you throw a “Please shut up” in there.

[supersweet]

They mean well.

I'm just kinda tired of it.

[sonofab]

If you don’t speak up, nothing will change.

[This takes a bit, but finally comes in after a few minutes.]

I don’t like seeing you sad, Jon.

Is me staying here making you more upset?

[supersweet]

[ A pause. ]

Things are better now that you're here. I'm glad you're here.

I'll try and speak up more often.

[sonofab]

Are you?
I know you're sad about people letting you down.
It just feels like I'm on that list.

[supersweet]

[ Jon falters. He doesn't blame Damian or anyone else for that matter. Intellectually he knows the way things played out was beyond anyone's ability to circumvent. And yet — And yet there was a corner of hurt in his heart. He doesn't know what to do with it, he doesn't know how to fix it. ]

It's stupid. You shouldn't be.

[sonofab]

[He frowns at the message. His hunch was right then...]

And yet I am. What happened Jon?
If I did something, then speak up and tell me.

[supersweet]

You promised you'd stay. When my dad left, you promised.

text -> action

[sonofab]

[Damian falters at that message. He made that promise and left...? Left after Jon's dad abandoned him? He doesn't really know how to answer that, but can practically feel how upset Jon might be getting through the text.

Was Jon mad at him all this time then?]

So you ARE angry with me.

[He doesn't really give Jon time to answer though as he's entering the boy's room.]

Tell me off then.

[supersweet]

[ Jon cringes as he sits up, clutching his device and wiping his face with his sleeve. ]

No. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not mad.

[sonofab]

[Even worse, Jon was crying. He'd rather Jon be angry.]

I broke a promise and abandoned you.

[He says bluntly, trying to get Jon angry. It was far easier to deal with than sadness.]

[supersweet]

[ His fingers tighten over his device, cracking it slightly. ]

You didn't do it on purpose. You didn't mean to. That's the thing. No one meant to hurt me, it just — it just happened that way.

[sonofab]

How do you know?

[Did he tell Jon something before he left? This not remembering was so frustrating. He hears the device cracking in Jon's hold. How long had Jon been holding back?

...Keep pushing...]

You trusted me. I said I'd be there. [Why?!Why did he do that... Even he was getting angry just thinking about it.]

Then, I forgot it all. This place. My promise... I abandoned you, twice.

[supersweet]

[ And it's like a switch had been flipped as Jon yells, leaping and forcing Damian to the ground, his fist raised as it all comes flooding back, his father's letter, his mother's departure, Ilya, his friends, Dick, Damian, Damian who had come after his father left and said he would stay, he wouldn't leave Jon alon —

And he slams it into the ground, missing Damian's face and breaking a hole through the floor. A hiccup escapes from his chest as Jon buries his head on Damian, shaking. ]

[sonofab]

[Damian grits his teeth when his back slams into the hardwood floor and can't help the gasp that comes out as the air is pushed out of him. Jon’s iron grip like a weight on his chest.

He opens his eyes, staring up at Jon, taking in the boy's expression of rage and sadness. ’What has happening to you here?’ His heart was pounding but not from fear. Never from fear when it came to Jon. He doesn't even flinch as the other boy raises a fist. Doesn't even raise his arms in a vain attempt to block the hit. Why would he? Even angry, in pain and yelling, Damian didn't trust anyone more than Jon. He doesn't take his eyes off Jon's face even as the fist comes crashing through the ground just inches from his face.

Instead, he stays silent, feeling Jon’s forehead press to his, the tears brush his cheeks as Jon cries and shakes against him. He wasn’t sure what he’d started or even if releasing this side of Jon was completely wise. Quiet and calm. He lifts his hands and cups Jon's cheeks, before softly whispering to him.]

I left. You're angry with me... Tell me off.

[supersweet]

[ Jon never used to hide things. Not emotionally. He was always a carefree child when it came to his feelings, expressing them without a doubt or fear. Now, he has grown up. He knows the fears his parents have are real, that the fears will follow his footsteps. When he first arrived at Riverview, he had loved it. Loved the place, loved the people.

Now . . . Now . . .

He lets out an indecipherable cry of rage, not sure how to ease the burn on his heart, a burn that people have left on him without meaning to. ]

It's not that simple, you jerk! I can't just — You know what would happen! I have to be better than this!

[sonofab]

[He narrows his eyes, fingers digging a bit where they were on Jon’s cheeks then harshly throws the boy off.]

Making yourself miserable isn't better!

[Damian yells right back.]

What's going to happen? Are you going to barbeque another cat?!

[He throws his arms out dramatically as he sat up. Voice no longer calm and impassive as his frustration grows.]

Getting angry isn't bad, you idiot! I left you! No warning! I just LEFT you! Stop being a pushover and TELL ME OFF!

[supersweet]

[ His eyes burn red. Jon has always been sensitive to people bringing up Goldie — his first and biggest regret. ]

That was an accident! Why are you like this?! Why can't you leave it alone!

[sonofab]

I'm like this because you are such a fucking baby! I'm not leaving it alone because I am officially crashing your pity party! Get angry, shoot a laser! SOMETHING! Just stop!

[He shouts with a hint of desperation in his voice that was so faint it was barely there. Just let me help you... When force was just making it worse. Demands weren't working... when you hurt ...a friend...]

I left you... I let you down. I hurt you...and I'm sorry... [You apologize.]

[supersweet]

[ His heat vision goes off, running a hot red line across the walls before Jon squeezes his eyes shut, breathing heavily. There are tears running down his cheeks but Jon pays no attention to them, letting them singe from the heat. ]

Why? Why did you do it? Why did everyone have to go? What did I do wrong?

[sonofab]

I don't know...

[Damian wishes he could remember what made him leave, why he didn't tell Jon or if he even told him he was going to come back. He silently watches Jon cry as he tries to find answers, but that last question prompts and automatic response out of him.]

Nothing. You didn't do anything. If it was because of you I wouldn't have come back now would I? [He places his hands on Jon's shoulders.]

I'm here Jon, I came back and for what it's worth, I promise not to leave without telling you ever again.

[supersweet]

[ Jon just curls up on himself, sobbing quietly, wrung out like a dish towel. He wasn't made for anger or sorrow. Neither emotions are ones he's ever held for long. He's always been happy. The malaise that had descended on him was new and frightening and Jon has held it back for as long as he can. ]

Okay . . . Okay.